Horizon

Today I finished filming this movie. I had a complete blast and the producer really liked me so hopefully many more good things will follow.

When the movie is coming out I will completely advertise! ^^

I am invited to a release party in 3 weeks and I am completely psyched up about going, so long being jaded and welcome to who I use to be

muahz

boy I am beat and I only did 8 hours imagine he main actor.

Movie Impressions

I am going to be filming next week on a new feature film coming up so wish we luck, I am very excited about that and as well as new laptop here ^^

I took this picture when the dark cloud was hovering over the city...the glass looked black and the clouds looked as if the world was coming to an end, no camera could capture but I tried..it was beautiful

**faints**

There is more

Some people just do not understand that there is more to life.
Some people like to go out of their way to destroy another's happiness because they deprived themselves from reaching it.
Selfish ignorant sons of a ____

Updating the status, I call life

I completely forgot to inform any reader that I am in Lipstick Jungle am I a main killer scene no but I can be found twice the first time you would have to know, second time I pass right by the camera. It was during the first episode of the second season. **bows** fun fun

I recently went shopping for my birthday and treated myself like a queen meaning I spent like 400 on myself which never happens, new cute gap bras and a whole lot of coquetry for underwear. Jackets and a rocking pair of headphones I am in love with, skull candy...a lot of money but worth the disrupting sound on the train.

I have this resplendent nascient glow around me that I feel the warmth and enjoy everything around me even more than I did before. I can mistaken for the torpid sick little individual although granted I can be quite devious but I am not depressed, never really have been I just flow. Maybe I am too much of a water sign ^^ Things with my boyfriend become the best day of my life each day, it gets better and better. Glad I picked him, granted at first I thought of him as my ex's and did not take him seriously but he told me to take him serious and so I did...proud of it to, even if it does not last forever he is the best choice I made in dating instead dating just cause I had not a care in the world.

I recently did some "spring cleaning" on my facebook closet. I either do not know the people on the website or "friends" are no longer friends based on their choices or we never cared for one another to begin with. So I decided to finally log on to the site and delete them. Why keep around old baggage? I delete family members from my life like an eraser to a pencil marking...GONE! Either I love you or your neutral...anything else make yourself useful. I have no need for cheap moiety of
"good relationships". I have no indelible individuals in my life, including the ones I would die for. Cold...acrid...maybe just a bitter taste of how I feel but I hold no remorse, no regret, no care and I do not see why I should either. I know people are fallible creatures and I expect that, however I let people make their choices and if they choose to leave they can go. If they chose to dismiss me, I leave quietly with great celerity however do not call me back. I do not like having indolent trinkets hanging around my neck.

Obama. Granted he is African and White American but I do not see why I as a "black american" should be shouting with zealous pride and show any hint of me following a stereotypes chimera about only supporting the black community. Growing up I was not "black", and I have been this way since I was born. I do not blend in well with most black americans, nor do I belong anywhere else. So I find it aggravating that it is expected of me to vote for Obama (I did not vote for either) or to shout finally a black president. Granted there is still racism in this world, I am no ignorant American. However I will not make my choice because there are extremists, because there are xenophobics who roam my street and feel what they say is right. Why fall into either side when I have never followed a trend. I think he can do an ok job and would like to see as a POLITICIAN, what can he do to fix the economy, approach gay marriage and all the other important matters of the country not whether the black community gets to have one "black American" (he is not black american) president just to say hey out of the percentage who follows the stereptypes have bragging rights. When will people see the bigger picture, I wish him luck and hope he can fix this mess.

Well good night for now....wonder what type of responses I would get for the last paragraph

The Average American's Diffused Candlelight

I look around me and casually I see the arrogant and the shamed roaming amonst each other in their tiny worlds. They often stay to themselves unless necessary, including if they need to interract. Some are far more fragile to callow events than others are. And some are rather considered to be cruel and unfair. However way you look at it, there is no winning team. Many have had the golden moments of holding onto some weak ambition to become what they aspired to be. Many also do not make it to their "Utopia" of success. Due to their lack of ambition or talent if you will, they grow to be miserable and shallow creatins that roam this stage of life. Now not everyone is caught in this torpid lifestyle but it is quite infectious. This disease suffuses it's way through society and replicates faster than rabbits mating. I go to work and I watch how two-faced everyone is with each other and yet how vunerable they all really stand. A woman complained to a supervisor of ours that I was anti-social because I did not say hello to her in the morning in the locker room. Well if I am to argue from the callow point "You saw me and you did not speak!", but all puerile thinking to the side I did not care. I was not phased if she said hello and good morning to me or not. I was still happy and enjoying what was given to me. There are a few individuals like myself who can enjoy what was given as well as strive for more, unfortunately I do not meet a lot of individuals like myself. However because of the woman's petty arguement and professional complaint I was not surprised on how far someone would go to feel special, to feel important by this consistent recognition or cheap plausible gifts taken or given. My day was good because I felt good. I worked out in the morning and I enjoyed the rising of the sun, not because anyone spoke to me, nor do I need it or look for it. The only thing that disrupts me is when I come across childish individuals like this. I say childish with as much emphasis on "Child" as I can in writing, to complain to a supervisor and to refuse to train me even though you have been instructed to do so (oh and I mean refuse like whining and yelling like a child) well quite frankly I find it to be a bit over the top should I dare say? I look at these people and they all have something in common, misery and boy do we know that type of energy loves some company. The more I work here and study the people, the more I realize why I always stay away from people. They are these walking miserable body capules filled with immense energy just waiting to explode or implode off to share how someone treated them. When I see how weak they are I do find myself tempted to play them as a doctor does with organs, but with good self control I smile...but it is not a safe smile for them. However when I look at them, I see they are everything I could never be. I could never the light of another human being and if I did it would not be everyone within my hand reach. I could never own a decent job and complain about having decent pay, sure I am no millionaire but it is not that hard to save money. I could never work so hard to make a nice person miserable because I hate my life that much that I must share it. Do I toy with people? Yes, but only honestly if provoked and even then it will be small things because why cut the head off so quickly when I have so much more land to play with. They love playing the 2 face card like they are from Batman, however they are nothing more than mere sheep with glass for wool. I see how they are, I see how they think and I see it sad for a few and stupid for others. How can so many people work so hard at disrespecting another individual? One thing if it is an accident but I have seen the effort put in. I also see pure imbeciles working a simple job and some how making it hard. All of these people hit all types of ages and I find it really sad. I admit though the more I watch people so intently the more I wonder how less human I can really be at times. A girl burned her hand and I only asked once "are you ok?" and she told me "yes", her answer was good enough for me. However I noticed 5 people asking her at least 5-7 times each the same redundant question over and over, and of course receiving the same answer. Or I smile at the clients and I work hard to appear friendly and as human like as possible, and there is a complaint I do not smile enough at my co-workers. If I am not being rude to you then there is no problem. I had these idiots give me an example of how to smile and I simply said "I do smile at the clients" and curved my lips no teeth into a cheap smile. Oh they did not like that very much. However it seems wanting to keep to myself is a lot to ask for these days and appearing anti-social is like being the anti-christ. All because these people swell up in misery and soak in it like the sun's warmth I felt this morning. They live in their desperate empathy because they did not achieve or constantly need. It is so sad...or is it more sad that at the end of the day I still sleep the same way I did the day before without another care in the world?

I have a reader....

There was a comment left on my Dark Knight blog. I admit I was a bit perplexed when I received an e-mail about having a comment. I am so use to no one reading that I had no idea this blog was even uhhhh known per say. I have not had a blog that was read in 3 years. My infamous blog was like a silver lining to many. The philter of daily bloggers community. It was during an era where I was between one irascible ex-boyfriend and many deep changes compared to a ephemeral bliss I knew I could never take seriously. My words were read like love poetry to wine. Even after we broke up apparently fans bothered him about our uhhh misunderstanding. I had fans who would comment including people I really knew and people who fell in love with the story.

So I thank you reader. I apologize we did not get the chance to work "Wild Flower" but I certainly do want to be apart of future projects, a package of experience and fun delivered in one shot.

Two statements I found to be profound, simply because I am not use to comments about myself. Well ones of such rare kindness.

"Your writing is always insightful" & "I think you will grow into a very special actress/artist."

Thank you, thank you again

Usually my words or writing if you will, is not found to be insightful but rather with a taste of acrid tea and torpid. Special artist, lets hope so. I am ambitious more than anything, its the kismet comet I am waiting for. I hope to be much more than the your casual New York City subway busker.

I appreciate your support.

Christian Bale...the tutelary Batman of our darkest city

The Dark Knight once again is my topic for this evening. I wanted to post a blog for Christian Bale. You see, the first film was all about him and his performance is being overshadowed by Heath Ledger so for them both I write something.

I have always enjoyed the darker, the more grim Batman. Bruce Wayne has this redressing goal for the city and for someone who has the ability to hide much but do good Christian was a well choice. The temptation of giving in and being a real light no one will ever appreciate. The chase for a buss that never reaches him. Slowly you see Bale’s character being stripped (in the comic he even looses Alfred and Batman looses his mind and starts becoming much more serious) of any precious…penchant loved ones. In the film it was only one but if it was to continue (if possible) much more would be lost. His moment of thinking and wondering if Rachel’s fate was washed from his hands was to show how human Batman really is. Christian Bale is not one for much facial expression but his eyes told a well story. You see, Batman, Bruce Wayne is this cantankerous kind of individual I say I individual due to the rare aura he has, not many can fill his shoes. Batman makes a choice that others can and can not make. A city where he lost a loving life to criminals is stuck in their moribund grasp.

To portray someone with plenary and exclusive access to fun toys can only be given to Bale. He is often under the roles of being someone dark, it could be his natural tall dark and handsome exterior or it could be his eyes. The truth, the window to his very soul is often portrayed through his eyes and it can leave an audience captivated by a glimpse.

In American Psycho, toying with a remade concept is not easy and he did a fantastic job. To play Batman would only be right.

I think he is a good actor but to be honest I must see more of him. I want to see diverse roles, I want to see his dark side, his loving side, parts of soul into his work. Although he can only range from so much, because his face can trap him. You see, for an actor you either have a malleable look or a look that defines you. Bale has a look that defines him, so his goal should be to go for something outrageous and do it so well that his name is etched into hearts or take what is given to him and vivify the screen every time he comes across it. Which I think won't be too hard for Bale.

I adored The Prestige. A laudable performance on his behalf. However his face can limit him, pick something stranger. He has been around for quite a while and has been building quite the resume. I am entertained as a fan of films.

Thank you for your performance Mr. Bale and please bring out more and more of you some of us want to see all of you, and Directors think more like Tim Burton and not everyone else.

My dear quote from the Dark Knight:

"Sometimes, truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded. "

This quote is fitting to many because it is true in so many ways, the sad part is faith is not always rewarded. And considering I love being so honest I must admit I deprive others of it, even when it is not in my intentions to do so. Is it because I was deprived of my faith? No, I simply never had it, and I like it that way.

THE DARK KNIGHT!

I wanted to take my time to write this blog so this is a collaboration of nights thinking on what to say and how to say it.

The Dark Knight I do not see it fulfilling it’s typical hype. I found the movie to be more than entertaining if you will, I found it to be profound in the art of movie making as well as the characters that owned this nascent ability to be “relating” . The Character that stood out to me the most seems obvious and expected, however since I was little reading comic books and watching Batman I have always loved the Joker. I love his magical tirades that would plummet his enemies or in-the-way-passerby. Their world would sunder at his command all for the sake of fun. Call me a manic but quite frankly I have always had this twist to me. A twist I do not let out frequently, even to close friends (people I trust with my life) simply because I know letting them in would be a deadly event.

I am writing about the Dark Knight to say the movie is worth to slaver for. From its actors’ eminent performance to the conflagration of a city falling to its knees. There is no need to be prudent because the gray nimbus cloud that circles the films intentions will engulf your soul.

Out of all the performances, Heath Ledger’s soul vivified the movie screen and brought to me what I often see in the mirror. His soliloquy and very convincing words he has won me over. He brought my favorite character to life. Now Heath Ledger has always been talented. I am not saying he is talented because of his unplanned morbid departing. I am saying it due to his previous performances. He understood what true entertainment was. The whole point of being an actor is not to be some cheap moiety of Tinsel Town but to perfect a craft that not everyone can truly do. Unfortunately I will no longer have the opportunities to watch and enjoy future works. However I will enjoy what he has left behind. You see when you act, you are suppose to leave a mark whether it is a blessing or malediction of some sort. The whole point, the whole purpose is to make them remember you whether they want to or not. Acting is like any other job, it must be crafted well and most importantly perfected. The perfunctory performance is not good enough and Heath passed my every test, turned at every corner and left feeling satisfied as a customer to the movie theatre as well as a fan to his delectation art. In my journey of entertainment being what a few people can truly achieve is what I hope to reach some day.

Rest In Peace, because we have lost someone. They say the “Good Die Young”.

Enough bloggin so this my heart winning quote from the movie. I venerate this quote or soliloquy (if you will) because of its first nature to me it truly is. Finally another much like myself.

There was a quote said during the Dark Knight that hit home more than anything and I care enough to share it with you. Because of how fitting and first nature to my character, my being, my soul it really is. It is nothing sad it is something that rather makes me very happy to see something or rather someone (real or not) is just like me! I love it
"Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak?like me. They need you right now. When they don't they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it's a bad joke. They're dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see, when the chips are down these civilized people will eat each other."

Ruslana Korshunova

Fashion model Ruslana Korshunova, 20, fell to her death from her Manhattan apartment building Saturday, June 28, 2008 in an apparent suicide, published reports said. Police said the fall was under investigation. In this gallery, we take a look back at this Russian beauty's time in the fashion spotlight, before her tragic death.

Ruslana Korshunova was born in Alma-Ata, Kazakh SSR,[2] and was of Russian descent. Her father died when she was 6.[3] Her mother, Valentina (née Kutenkova) and her brother, Ruslan, live in Kazakhstan.[4] She spoke fluent Russian, English and German.[1] She was discovered in 2003, when All Asia magazine printed a story on Almaty's local German language club, which Korshunova was then attending. Her photograph, which was featured in the article, caught the attention of Debbie Jones of Models 1; Jones tracked down and signed up the then 15-year-old Korshunova,[5] who was nicknamed the Russian Rapunzel for her long knee length chestnut hair in her early work.[4][3]

from wiki
Korshunova was represented by IMG (New York, Paris, London and Milan),[6] Beatrice (Milan), Traffic Models (Barcelona), Marilyn Models and iCasting Moscow, which was her mother agency. Korshunova modeled for the covers of Elle (France), Vogue (Poland) and Vogue (Russia). She also modeled in print-ads for Blugirl by Blumarine, Clarins, Ghost, Girbaud, Kenzo Accessories, Marithé & François, Max Studio, Moschino, Old England, Pantene Always Smooth, Paul Smith and Vera Wang lingerie.[7]

On June 28, 2008 at around 2:30 p.m., Korshunova died after falling from the ninth-floor balcony of her apartment at 130 Water Street in Manhattan's Financial District. Police stated there were no signs of a struggle in her apartment and concluded that Korshunova's death is an apparent suicide.[8][9]

One of her friends stated that Korshunova had just returned from a modeling gig in Paris, noting that she seemed to be "on top of the world" with no apparent reason why she would commit suicide.[8] Korshunova's former boyfriend, Artem Perchenok, stated that he dropped Korshunova off at her apartment several hours before her death after they watched the Demi Moore film Ghost together.[10] "She was a good person," he told The New York Post. However, she appeared brokenhearted and angry in some of her postings on a social networking site. Korshunova's most telling message came three months ago: "I'm so lost. Will I ever find myself?"[11]

Vladislav Novgorodtsev, Korshunova's life coach, described the young model as heartbroken, lonely, and homesick.[12] According to statements made to the media by Novgorodtsev, Korshunova revealed to him that she was suicidal in the past, having tried to kill herself using various methods at least five times before, beginning when she was 15 years old.[12] In January and February of 2008, she visited the Roza Mira Training Center in Moscow. Novgorodtsev revealed that the model had once confessed to him she was in love with a young man from Moscow, but that nothing could come from the relationship because he was married.[12] Further, Korshunova was also having financial troubles and was asking friends for $400 ten days before jumping to her death.[12] Most of the money Korshunova earned, which was reportedly modest despite being an in-demand model, she sent back home to her mother. There was "no one who was really dear to her, except for her mother," the New York Daily News quoted Novgorodtsev, as saying.[13]




___________________________________
Its such a shame, I send my condolences.

It is sad when individuals take their lives. Although I would admit I have been driven to that point. I presume my heart goes out more to the model than anyone else. I understand what it is like to miss something or want something. To have the idee fixee of whatever it maybe, that it begins to push you to the brink. To have personally absconded so far that maybe finding yourself seems impossible. To have lost that ebullient persona. So many reasons why people do it for love or lack of it or sick of their penury lifestyle or the opposite.

Caddie

Real Models for Douches (Sorry but seriously)

Hi coming to you live with scams across America we have here today with Cantakerous Cadma with a message for you....


Hello
This is Frank from Ford Model Agency. I am a freelance agent looking for talented individuals to work with me on a new project with Power Trust Xpress (Dealing with all type of Bikes), i happened to be the project personnel and resource manager heading the recruitment of models for this project,I found your profile fascinating, your profile is good,nice ,flexibility, posture and looks good. We 're happy to invite shooting you to the shooting. We are doing the company's magazine cover for Power Trust Xpress and i need pictures of good looking people,beautiful women and gentlemen to pose with exotic Bike.Its promises to be fun,exposed and pays good OK.We touring all 50 states for shooting and that means you don't have to travel out of your hood just to part take in this because Ford Model Agency is coming right to you. Interested applicants willing to know more and also part take should SEND AN EMAIL TO the official email SHOWING INTEREST AND
more details will be sent to you about this.
Best Regards...
Frank Lars
Ford Model Agency
111 Fifth Avenue,9th Floor
New York
NY
10001
Official Email: talentsgallery@yahoo.com
http://www.myspace.com/frankmodelagent
__________________________________________________________________

First of all if someone did think they were a part of Ford Models, why would they send me a myspace page with a large amount of grammatical errors. I hate when I see "Good Opportunities" made up of glitter. That magazine does not exist, this is not the first time I have seen this. I receive offers that are from pervs or from scam artists. Wow people really have nothing else better to do with thier time. Now I am still working up the ladder and I am more than willing to be helpful to models aspiring so it is good to keep each other posted on the B.S. that is going around. So look out for junk like this and always research everything, make sure all is legit especially when it comes from an unknown source. I have had my email address found and this stuff sent to me.

Laters Everyone,
And welcome commenters I had no idea anyone was reading this at all.

Be safe!
Toodles like Noodles
Caddie

Lipstick Jungle

So today I was filming for the second season. It was full of a lot of fun and I met so many people: Stephanie, Tasha, Katrina, Mike, Joe, and some dude who borrowed my charger for his phone.

For those who dont know:
and I quote:
Lipstick Jungle is an American TV comedy-drama created by DeAnn Heline and Eileen Heisler for NBC Universal Television Studio. The hour-long series is based on the best-selling novel of the same name by Candace Bushnell, who also serves as executive producer alongside showrunner Oliver Goldstick.[1] The pilot was directed by Gary Winick.[2]
....

Based on the best-selling book by Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City), this enticing new comedy-drama follows three high-powered friends as they weather the ups and downs of lives lived at the top of their game. Nico, editor-in-chief of a hot fashion magazine, has her eye on becoming CEO. Movie exec Wendy does everything she can to balance career and family. And free-spirited designer Victory longs to make her dreams come true, and maybe find Mr. Right along the way. Armed with humor and strength, these three modern New York women support one another through the triumphs and tears that are all part of making it big in The Big Apple.
......
Cast
Brooke Shields – Wendy Healy
Kim Raver – Nico Reilly
Lindsay Price – Victory Ford
Paul Blackthorne – Shane Healy
David Alan Basche – Mike Harness
Julian Sands – Charles Lund
David Norona – Selden Rose
Robert Buckley – Kirby Atwood
Andrew McCarthy - Joe Bennett
________________________
So it was cool to be up close to them see them work. I asked for no autographs, its very unprofessional. But it was a lot of fun to work on the set. Took all day but it was still fantastic to be apart of anyways. Well I am just plain exhausted from 12 hours of shooting, GN everyone!

competetive possibly???

Picture it:
Dusk inching across the sky slowly, but not slow enough to not forget the Sun was there. The wind racing across every line and through every pore of my body. The torpid volunteer workout for my legs to keep on pedaling. Clouds covering vast areas below. Riding across the melliflous pavement. Feeling invicible, but still staying wary. And like a wounded augury flying my way like demons from the sky I see Blue!.....Blue!!! wtf?!??!!?

A standing biker with blue shorts....short short shorts cuts in front of me. Normally I would not have cared but I care less for seeing someone's ass. Take this literally...blue shorts so high I almost saw everything. My boyfriend has a great ass I dont need his or his balls swinging in front of me. So naturally as reaction I sped up anc cut in front of him. We did this back and forth until I got caught between traffic and we started racing. I lost the bastard cause a car almost hit me...I look for this evil ass in the air biker....for now on!!!!

Maybe I have Biker Rage or maybe I am competitive but wth wth man....wear some real shorts tight sure...flappy NO JUST A BIG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. People man friggin' people!

Auditions

I finally have some good auditions coming up. They went through a few and picked me and a few lucky others. Hopefully all goes well. One modeling, one acting. **muahz** for me and lets reach for the stars. I will keep you posted. Well besides wishing me luck, pray for the best talent I got a long way to go.

Reckless

Reckless comets fall from blue
As I felt my choler rise
I leaned back and remembered you
Like a sweet potable to the average gastronome
I found myself for once to be home
No longer the forloned from misfortune
I feel dizzy and very much light hearted
Vim to the brim and dolent as can be
Rosed in my cheeks when you look at me
The cynosure of my world
The bump to my beat
Numious to my eyes
You leave me prescient to hopeful happenings
For the first forever love
Authentic
Incipient
Jovial
With melliflous vocals to lead me to the land of nod
My unnatural submissive behavior leaves me caught
Reciprocating what is new
And to think I found it so easily
When I found you

Drive

Besides my last well fitted tirade, I have not blogged in a very long time. I am changing work locations due to lack of responsiblity of being a real adult (My boss). Her rebarabtive work ethics are what I would call plain Stupid. She likes keeping callow workers so she can pick on them. Yells at workers who do their job. Does not like to perform her role as a store manager. Plays favoritism on a high level of gaming that the urge to punch her is very strong. Considering she enjoys stealing from the company like a game of basketball I pray for her downfall. However her lack of intelligence is very rebarbative. I will be receiving higher pay as well.

I also received another opportunity to be on Law & Order. The filming was fun for one side of me and the other side of me had to listen to the tirade of a very emotional man. The show has been seen already and you can not see me but I was paid, I was there...it counts!

Besides that I have been modeling here and there and do very random things. I am so all over the place I am not sure where the wind has taken me this time. The only thing sure is I have the true support of my boyfriend and my 2 sisters for life!

Toodles like noodles
Caddie

Shigoto wa crappy desuyoo!!!!

I work hard, none of that hardly working junk either. I breathe off of money and hard work. When I was seven I wanted a job, so I made my own business' of selling candy. I made good profit until some idiot child lacked the comprehension of "Profit" and took me out of business..natually expected because of the kids inability understand how real business is done and all they ever did was copy the kid they didnt like.

I received an official job in high school, it was ok but I was able to do it.

Now I am being released from a sales department store for what I find to be stupid. I am often put into the fitting room so ringing up is not possible. The fitting room is my thing, to make sure no one steals and is happy. I go out of my way for customers but because I live in a realistic view of life I am marked as negative because I dont fold the blouse with a creepy smile on my face. For someone who does not see very much certainly has a lot to say...of course trusting all the other managaers would be the natural route but talking to only one does not count. So I am released and not venting properly but I am more annoyed than anything.

Standing out like a green thumb in a group of white hands is not pretty. I do not carry the same glittering points of view. You live and you die. Now what you do in between is your thing. You can live it up to the fullest or work your whole life. You can be kind and be taken advantage of or be a bitch and take advantage of. There is so much to have done and yet I am not concerened...to each his own. Because I do not feed off loads of emotions and show how I feel...because I can be quite the robot something is wrong with me. Why not fucking wake up and just realize you work because you have to not because you want very few individuals find themselves working at a department store because they enjoy being someone's bitch. Lets be realistic here, People get up every to do a lot of things because they feel or are truly obligated. I get up because I Want and just because I do not run around with rainbows spilling out my pockets I am called negative. Being mellow obviously is not an emotion it is obviously a lack of. And also because I do not lower my self value and get on my knees to kiss somebody's ass something is wrong with me. Now I am not one to think much of myself but why should anyone lower themselves or break their pride just for petty things. How about respect the next person and expect them to do the job because they are hired to do it not because they are there to suck kiss with you. Fucking get over yourself. Because I am realistic and people need their pathetic lies to keep going I amthe fucked up person. I dont need glitter to tell me my life is valuable, if you feel you need something then leave this planet there are more than enough ways. OR seek mental conditioning.

So yeah I am in bit of a stink mood but wtf??? fired because of nothing when I look at it and when I ask my other realistic viewing friends it is obviously not in my dam head!!!!!!

ren kirei desu yoo!!!

On another note, I will be on Law & Order again! And so yeah yeah, thats it for the moment.

Moi

The always comes a time
When I question my mind
And everything that runs through
Where my insanity becomes truth

Oh the days blur up
And I am going blind
Just another step
to loosing my mind

I search for answers
For questions no one asked
Except my irascible soul

The road is long and made of stones
Still I stay in pure ebullence
Oh it is going to be a long road to home



Venting no one needs to know its meaning but feel free to comment though

Ryan Vs Dorkman2

A really good video my friend showed me...only for Star Wars people...its really good for a fan film it really is all hail Ryan and Dorkman

I always was weird

I recently found out an aquantaince I know from college is taking acting classes. I was thrilled and beyond excitement to see of their skill. I adore the arts far more than people could understand so when I found out there was another mingling in the same field I was sparked with curiousity. Although I highly doubt they would allow me to view a performance. I admit most individuals would find my behavior to be erractic because I am quite well aware of what the assumption is between us before other people's eyes. However I have never had "an issue" with them so to say, but I am not going out of my way to change the callow minds of men. They are what I would call plain, and to be more specific plain like a piece of paper. They add their colors easily and remove them as well. Of course naturally there are a few holes or maybe one or two crunched ends but neither the less a piece of paper. They study others and I watch them become another person, the complete transformation of mockery in a sense. To become an actress is something I would only consider a field for them, so good luck to them.

Now for my real blog.
A kismet comet...it is what I am waiting for call it counterproductive but it is all true. The art of becoming what I am in the middle of sacrificing myself for is growing at a excessive rate. Spinning...just spinning like most butterflies do.

I have applied for more work and I am eager for more work. There is something more secure about this year so maybe all those blessings from Japan are now kicking in for my time. But even then **smirk** I know it still will never be a staircase made of glass.

**looks at dog** What the hell is he doing? **blogged out**
Night

The Wrens

An old video I did with the band the Wrens...its called "Per Second Second". Dont ask lmao video is weird but I am the token black person in the video gotta smile for that camera eh

Personal Journey

"There is always someone out there doing worse than you" a common adage I would hear over the years as a child into young adulthood. I often wondered where did the bottom really begin or if it truly mattered to how much a person can handle what their tenebrous life throws at them? I have been gravid with these torpid approaches to my life. I slowed down to meditate on my next "Chess" move and I admit I have been sitting afar more than I should have. I gained this laggard pace because I felt as if I had been struck by lightening. I needed to repair the damage that was done so I would not loose that ebullient ambition I always have. It has been 2 years and I feel more ready. I am not sure if I am moving because I am fully healed or strong enough to move. I feel realistic and jovial all at once and continue on about my way. However I can not afford to stop again. I have a few things I must do before I die.

This year feels different. I am not "high" on spirituality but something feels different. Maybe the healed wounds and picked scabs or my ambition making me stand before I should but who knows. Either it feels good to be out of my shell once again, but that is me the ever changing butterfly lol

Tiffany Evans

I was welcomed with open arms from SONY BMG Entertainment to work with Tiffany Evans on her new single "I'm Grown". It was a pleasant experience and I hope to work with her again.

I show up towards the end of the music video after 3 minutes or so and I am wearing black and red you can not miss me because I am being flashed more than once.

I have recently updated my resume and can not wait for the other golden opportunities.

Exhausting

How much is the human soul, the contemporary mind suppose to be able to handle? There is much to view and think for and about and yet I always end up here. The road is not made of glass and I have yet to leave my stepping stones behind to find the so called beach. My feet are worn in like an old pair of shoes, and my legs are barely standing and my arms won't hold anymore than I am already despartely grabbing onto anything. My head is woozy from my ability to be able avoid the land of nod. I hold amative motives in my bed when I run through my passion to be what I want to be. I truly believe in order to become what you want you must sacrifice what you are and I am doing so.

I am very exhausted at the moment. Good Night

Intimacy

Intimacy without being sexual as an actress. A true emotion that is not easy to pull off. There is a certain amative aura one must possess in order to fully complete that circle. I have an audition tomorrow to be a woman who is intimate without being sexual. I read this as a challenge. I have to be a sexual woman without being a whore basically. I hope I have the skills so far enough to pull this off.

I chose the picture to the left because of the intimacy of my innocence is from this photoshoot. I find it to be a bit interesting and yet with all of my innocence on my right upper arm you see where my scars are. You see where my story is told.

To obtain true mastery of any craft one must perfected for even the gifted must perfect their skill.

Living life as a Moiety of Beauty

A grave challenge in modeling is learning how to market oneself as a good product. A model's job is to represent and market. I have a distinct shape to myself like others similar to me. I have particular measurements of 33-25-33 but I am only 5'6". I weigh 120lbs. I am petite. My hair is short upto my shoulder and is not always as smooth as it should be. I have 3 tattoos that represent my belief in yin yang and the ank for eternal life and a thorny heart for my grandma. Granted tattoos are not always the best for marketing but they tell stories of myself that I do enjoy. Besides I own body make-up.

I walk with an odd confidence for myself. I usually do not think of my looks and generally go on about my days without any additional thought. I generally choose this method so I can avoid to make my mind a gravid state of worry. I love fashioned clothes and punky and funky trinkets and shoes. I love bright colors and dark colors and the contrasting of it all. Although in the midst of my oddness I generally find myself to be average but I am marketable. I am not the exemplar of everything but I am something that much I do know.

Although in such a perfunctory fashion I often sit in front of the mirror and stare at myself. I wonder many things and try to see what I do have and what I do not have. As a marketing tool I should know what are my best and most positive attributes especially with my tattoos. What I have come to find is my best marketing tool would be my eyes. A pair of eyes can say a lot about a person, in fact too much. In a Jim Butcher Book it is called soul gazing, that is precisly the point of staring into another person's eyes. I have strong eyes. I can make another indiividual take a second look and stare if they do not become lost. Now I am not vain and supercilious to say people are bestowed by my beauty, because that is not what I am saying. What I am trying to express is that people are often caught off guard when they look into my eyes, if this was soul gazing I would like to know what is it they see.

My second attribute for marketing is my stomach. My stomach is not flat as a wall because it has slight ripples of hard-earned abs not too muscular and not too I do not do anything at home look. I say this is my second marketing tool because I have received stares from various of people talking of my stomach so I receive them as kind of like compliments. I do not become vain in my thoughts but I accept what it is people see. Like I said before I generally do not give my looks a second thought, odd of me to pursue modeling eh?

I am guessing for my third listing because I am not sure. It would be my legs, they are long or so I can make them appear that way. I have often heard people say how long my legs are, of course this can be heard from a various of perverts who gawk at anything in a skirt. However they have all said I have long legs. According to my knowlegde long legs is a good quality. Which is one of the reasons why I will not tattoo them especially.

Fourth on my list is from my boyfriend, he adores my waist size. I have heard that from all previous boyfriends that they like my waist. I presume that is something useful. I am under the assumption it can give off the illusion of a much broader hour glass shape than what I Really have. This I can admit due to a modeling photo that I have that people always remember me by. And I do mean always.

To be a model, to be a marketing tool I must enhance what I do have to show that I can not only market products that I can make them glow. And rid myself of the flying nimbus cloud and show people what I am capable of. Granted this ladder of entertainment will be difficult to climb but neither the less it is possible.

Me the moiety of beauty is aiming at very high heights. I have not truly told anyone my goal of status and dreams but I can see myself reaching it nonetheless.

Cadma

Oh I am feeling rather playful at this moment. Cadma the very acronym of my true full name. I guess my mother was bored in the hospital room and decided to add everything but the kitchen sink. I want to make a new acronym or rather take "Cadma" and write down some acrostics for the new found nickname of myself. I remember when my mother use to call me that when I was little. Let's see what acrostics I can place down with my name.

C is for comely and cantankerous

A is for Argus-eyed and amicable

D is for dulcet and dignity

M is for Monomaniac and maudlin

A is for ab ovo and aver

Interesting for a stony & starry place to hold a priceless divine and bitter soul.

Ah this is for now, I am starting to become tired and I must prepare myself for tomorrow.

Nascent Writings

When I look into the mirror I would like to believe I have the high potential of surviving the "Media". I have plans on becoming an entertainer. I reach for the fields of modeling, acting and most importantly a singer. A legend is my goal. A real legend. A well defined legacy of talent. If I do not have the talent that I am reaching for then I will lean towards being a model or maybe something else. The reason being that I believe the entertainment business like any other job is a craft. Like any other craft it should be perfected.

I am unsure if I can describe myself the way I should but I will try my best so that readers will already have a "feel" for who I am and what I am about.

I believe in hard work and dedication, being incompetent is no excuse for lack of working hard. Ambition is always the key and although times will seem saturine it does not mean I should give up. I have my ways of resting and trying to figure out my next chess move however I can not stand still for very long. I can be very sarcastic, the kind of surly sarcasm not welcomed by many. I am honest as I can be. If you ask me a question I will answer the best way that I am able to do so. I do not believe in lying because it takes too much work to hide something that I am not ashamed of to begin with. I adore neoteric strategys to thinking. Musuems are my playground especially those inspired for artwork. I enjoy listening to a very wide range of music. I can be found listening to Mars Volta and Coldplay all in one sitting. I slaver over books and long walks (I do mean long walks as in for hours on end). I enjoy tea a little too much. It is always my necessity for the day. I have yet to go a day without having at least 4 cups if I have not already had more. I am constantly joined together with my frustration/lack of tolerance. I have great patience and a big heart but no tolerance to keep the balance well. I care for others and keep them close enough for me to see them but not always enough to trust. When I do choose someone to trust they better take care of it. I believe in distance to keep myself safe. As gelid as I can appear like any other human I am frangible or so I think so. Although if something is already broken how many more pieces can you break it into? I do not like being hectored around, especially without good reason. I have my days when I feel winsome and vim and then like any other I can be langour about everything around me. I am also a twisted version of anything I can think of. I am not a full breed of anything, this applies to physically and metaphorically as well. I am a walking growing contradiction at all times. Cantankerous...yeah that can be me as well. But I do have a heart a gold, I reach where I know I can help even if it is lending an ear.

Well this is all that I can put down for now.

Welcome to my humble abode!

Cadma