Intimacy

Intimacy without being sexual as an actress. A true emotion that is not easy to pull off. There is a certain amative aura one must possess in order to fully complete that circle. I have an audition tomorrow to be a woman who is intimate without being sexual. I read this as a challenge. I have to be a sexual woman without being a whore basically. I hope I have the skills so far enough to pull this off.

I chose the picture to the left because of the intimacy of my innocence is from this photoshoot. I find it to be a bit interesting and yet with all of my innocence on my right upper arm you see where my scars are. You see where my story is told.

To obtain true mastery of any craft one must perfected for even the gifted must perfect their skill.

Living life as a Moiety of Beauty

A grave challenge in modeling is learning how to market oneself as a good product. A model's job is to represent and market. I have a distinct shape to myself like others similar to me. I have particular measurements of 33-25-33 but I am only 5'6". I weigh 120lbs. I am petite. My hair is short upto my shoulder and is not always as smooth as it should be. I have 3 tattoos that represent my belief in yin yang and the ank for eternal life and a thorny heart for my grandma. Granted tattoos are not always the best for marketing but they tell stories of myself that I do enjoy. Besides I own body make-up.

I walk with an odd confidence for myself. I usually do not think of my looks and generally go on about my days without any additional thought. I generally choose this method so I can avoid to make my mind a gravid state of worry. I love fashioned clothes and punky and funky trinkets and shoes. I love bright colors and dark colors and the contrasting of it all. Although in the midst of my oddness I generally find myself to be average but I am marketable. I am not the exemplar of everything but I am something that much I do know.

Although in such a perfunctory fashion I often sit in front of the mirror and stare at myself. I wonder many things and try to see what I do have and what I do not have. As a marketing tool I should know what are my best and most positive attributes especially with my tattoos. What I have come to find is my best marketing tool would be my eyes. A pair of eyes can say a lot about a person, in fact too much. In a Jim Butcher Book it is called soul gazing, that is precisly the point of staring into another person's eyes. I have strong eyes. I can make another indiividual take a second look and stare if they do not become lost. Now I am not vain and supercilious to say people are bestowed by my beauty, because that is not what I am saying. What I am trying to express is that people are often caught off guard when they look into my eyes, if this was soul gazing I would like to know what is it they see.

My second attribute for marketing is my stomach. My stomach is not flat as a wall because it has slight ripples of hard-earned abs not too muscular and not too I do not do anything at home look. I say this is my second marketing tool because I have received stares from various of people talking of my stomach so I receive them as kind of like compliments. I do not become vain in my thoughts but I accept what it is people see. Like I said before I generally do not give my looks a second thought, odd of me to pursue modeling eh?

I am guessing for my third listing because I am not sure. It would be my legs, they are long or so I can make them appear that way. I have often heard people say how long my legs are, of course this can be heard from a various of perverts who gawk at anything in a skirt. However they have all said I have long legs. According to my knowlegde long legs is a good quality. Which is one of the reasons why I will not tattoo them especially.

Fourth on my list is from my boyfriend, he adores my waist size. I have heard that from all previous boyfriends that they like my waist. I presume that is something useful. I am under the assumption it can give off the illusion of a much broader hour glass shape than what I Really have. This I can admit due to a modeling photo that I have that people always remember me by. And I do mean always.

To be a model, to be a marketing tool I must enhance what I do have to show that I can not only market products that I can make them glow. And rid myself of the flying nimbus cloud and show people what I am capable of. Granted this ladder of entertainment will be difficult to climb but neither the less it is possible.

Me the moiety of beauty is aiming at very high heights. I have not truly told anyone my goal of status and dreams but I can see myself reaching it nonetheless.

Cadma

Oh I am feeling rather playful at this moment. Cadma the very acronym of my true full name. I guess my mother was bored in the hospital room and decided to add everything but the kitchen sink. I want to make a new acronym or rather take "Cadma" and write down some acrostics for the new found nickname of myself. I remember when my mother use to call me that when I was little. Let's see what acrostics I can place down with my name.

C is for comely and cantankerous

A is for Argus-eyed and amicable

D is for dulcet and dignity

M is for Monomaniac and maudlin

A is for ab ovo and aver

Interesting for a stony & starry place to hold a priceless divine and bitter soul.

Ah this is for now, I am starting to become tired and I must prepare myself for tomorrow.

Nascent Writings

When I look into the mirror I would like to believe I have the high potential of surviving the "Media". I have plans on becoming an entertainer. I reach for the fields of modeling, acting and most importantly a singer. A legend is my goal. A real legend. A well defined legacy of talent. If I do not have the talent that I am reaching for then I will lean towards being a model or maybe something else. The reason being that I believe the entertainment business like any other job is a craft. Like any other craft it should be perfected.

I am unsure if I can describe myself the way I should but I will try my best so that readers will already have a "feel" for who I am and what I am about.

I believe in hard work and dedication, being incompetent is no excuse for lack of working hard. Ambition is always the key and although times will seem saturine it does not mean I should give up. I have my ways of resting and trying to figure out my next chess move however I can not stand still for very long. I can be very sarcastic, the kind of surly sarcasm not welcomed by many. I am honest as I can be. If you ask me a question I will answer the best way that I am able to do so. I do not believe in lying because it takes too much work to hide something that I am not ashamed of to begin with. I adore neoteric strategys to thinking. Musuems are my playground especially those inspired for artwork. I enjoy listening to a very wide range of music. I can be found listening to Mars Volta and Coldplay all in one sitting. I slaver over books and long walks (I do mean long walks as in for hours on end). I enjoy tea a little too much. It is always my necessity for the day. I have yet to go a day without having at least 4 cups if I have not already had more. I am constantly joined together with my frustration/lack of tolerance. I have great patience and a big heart but no tolerance to keep the balance well. I care for others and keep them close enough for me to see them but not always enough to trust. When I do choose someone to trust they better take care of it. I believe in distance to keep myself safe. As gelid as I can appear like any other human I am frangible or so I think so. Although if something is already broken how many more pieces can you break it into? I do not like being hectored around, especially without good reason. I have my days when I feel winsome and vim and then like any other I can be langour about everything around me. I am also a twisted version of anything I can think of. I am not a full breed of anything, this applies to physically and metaphorically as well. I am a walking growing contradiction at all times. Cantankerous...yeah that can be me as well. But I do have a heart a gold, I reach where I know I can help even if it is lending an ear.

Well this is all that I can put down for now.

Welcome to my humble abode!

Cadma