The shadow is your reputation and like most gimcracks it is there for display. Only for the peering eyes that feel what they see, is what they have. I. Me. Who I am, is a person of observation. I remain argus-eyed among many social settings and only watch to see if psychological theories are carried out or if I am flat out wrong. My ability to trust is lacking but my ability to be hopeful rear ends itself frequently. My patience runs far and wide. Often if an individual attempts to "figure me out" they either fail or over do it. This still applies to the supercilious personas who feel they know me, they can define me and will constrict me to what I choose to share with them. When I speak I see who listens and who tries to misconstrue my words or give me new words to use as if I do not understand what I am saying. I do not speak up as often as I should, but I like being reticient in the scenery. I enjoy allowing others to make their decisions for me. If someone chooses to not be active in my life, that is simply their choice. If someone chooses to try to make my choler rise, that is their choice. If someone decides to be sneaky and interferre in my life in ways not so benign for me, that is...their choice. I can not and I will not waste my irrevocable hours trying to control or worry about someone else's choices. Yes I can be upset, yes I can be angry but when I lay my head upon my pillow and begin to visit the land of nod. I sleep free. I rise free. I am free of any obligations to hold onto hands who want no holding. Free of any intricate delicacies that may have found their way to my plate. The fun part about letting go, is the assumption that follows. That there is this saturnine after-taste that follows me in this torpid little could above my head. When I let go, I choose not to care. I make myself free, what is so wrong with that? People change frequently like dollars to a cashier, loosing one aint so bad there will always be another.
eh....the only other confusion that raves inside my skull, is the assumption of how I think and what I really am about. The disdainful thought process of how I speak because I chose to never speak to them that way.
