November

Since my last entry, I have been working twice if not providing triple the amount of effort to move forward. I have always been ambitious, however at times obstacles remain in my driveway. I have had a large number of photoshoots and I am consistently improving. I am reciprocating feedback which is phenomenal, but I have always been a perfectionist. Behind closed doors all I do is practice all day and all night especially when applicable. My reticent behavior allows me to lock myself away days at a time and never see sunlight. I remember looking back as far as 1991 or 1992 when my mother introduced me to modeling. I initially was apart of a pageant and my mother was proud before I could even enter, she was confident I would win. However unfortunately my pageant was at the world trade center....the first time it was bombed. It did not discourage me but I enjoyed studying and reading and video taping myself doing performances. My life has taken some interesting turns on the road so I have been very distracted from goals. Unfortunately age can hinder a career, especially this career.

I am back in the mind set I was in as a child, thinking of how to improve and always continue to be better. My mother raised me well. She raised me to continue trying, especially if it was to make me happy. She only wants to see that vim light from my smile because I enjoy what I am doing. I thank her for many things, including her vocal training, model training, and inordinate studying habits that stay with me until this day. It is because of her, why I bother to try for anything at all.

I do not think I am too humble, because I feel there's too much for improvement and now that I see the ball rolling, I'm ready for the hill.

October I had the opportunity to model for Framesi Hair Products for a hair show and I was ecstatic. I met so many girls and saw so many products...I got to play with and use I had so much working there. Although at first you're sitting around waiting with the other girls to finish hair and make up so you can have your shot, it is still a lot of fun. I was paid working a job that I enjoyed as opposed to the day job.

I have also met some great photographers and most recently it was Thomas Churchwell, who is very funky and wicked. I enjoyed the shoot even though my mind was traveling beyond the borders, we still provided a fun shoot and I would like to shoot with him again. I have some concepts already to do for christmas.

Next year I am so psyched to be traveling out to Georgia for a week to perform in a theatre production, so I have been spending every moment I get to practice my stage combat lessons. I feel this is going to be such a fantastic memory to have, I am proud to do it regardless of the outcome.

Well this is just a basic update honestly and I am going to keep as facile as possible.

I am still working on this perpetual task of finishing my novel but like most writers....I'm picky.

Cadma

quick review of film i was sent from director

Review of "The Cornstarch Gizmo":

"The editing is sharp and necessarily ruthless . . . the songs are delifhtfully unpretentious and grass-roots . . . the writing is imaginative if at times overwrought . . . the corn lady is luscious and dreamy . . . but the leading actress is so bad that if you'd had a corpse play the role and dubbed in the voice of Big Bird, it would have been far more appealing. I don't believe a single word she says except for 'Your mother's a fuckin' whore.' She degrades teh film, gives it a B-movie-ish quality which takes away from the artistry of the whole work. My advice to you is to make the feature version available to a limited audience, and re-cut the material into a sharp, crisp short which features the other two leads. Then post it all over the internet as a sample of your unique vision and filmmaking style."

Industry Professional, NYC

lust

My first client photoshoot was so amazingly fun & Fab. My feet were exhausted from walking up & down in heels but I liked the outcome. I'm still not satisfied with myself as a model But ill get there....eventually :-)

My client is doing a line called Gothicka. Yesterdays work was based on one of the seven deadly sins, lust. The next one I do is gluttony .....kinda perfect for a gastronome like myself lol but I'm super psyched for the show in October ooooo my favorite month ;-) I'm a Halloween girl ::waits for anyone to be surprised :: eh I tried ^_^ lol

Now I woke up not wanting to bother with the day job but ugh showed up :-(

But tomorrow I'm going to be performing a cover song by Billy Holiday. I considered Sade but I'm not sure. Ill be performing in New Jersey. Ill be singing towards the end of the show, right after working at my day job from 5am to 1pm....yay -_- but life is life, it'll be nice to get a taste of the vocal stage & promote my books & self wow When will I find the time to breathe

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update

so I'm so. Mobile I haven't blogged from my phone. Things are good. The rubberbands are moving in the right direction. I can't even remember what to cover but ill try to.

My shoot first shoot with my stylist lead to some kick ass photos. I had so much fun working with them, laughing with the MUA, hairstylist, stylist & photographer. We all definetely agreed some music should stop repeating, I don't care how "popular" it is....stop it lol. But the shoot was fab and I had so much fun.

I've been having a field day with my Hart Stopping photos :P and they make my business cards look like me, that reticient bubbly stressed out but fun rebel :D

I did a fashion show for the Arts of New York outside, sponsored by Verizon. I made one model friend after so long. Women are women in this business and its stupid & annoying. There was one model who was very rude to her mother & seriously way too young to be so full of herself. When your mom is supporting you, paying for your stuff you don't own right to grab her and embarass her & tell her that she better not check your messages, like seriously what are you doing at 16 that she "shouldn't know". Besides for me that would have been an ass whooping and would have been yanked from the show just for attempting to be disrespectful let alone roll my eyes, suck my teeth as she calls me beautiful, move her camera when she wants a photo or grab her...that's death! Lol

I attended a nice networking party, it was fun minus a few women. Claro que si, women are so nasty to each other. Yes I am doing the model thing, but I am no where near the lines of being so supercilious & stupid! Modeling is a business, yes it is about your looks but not how you perceive it. If someone likes how you look, you have a job, that simple. It doesn't make you drop dead gorgeous, it means your another hopefully good working model. I try to make convo but women & I have never really gotten along. And it doesn't help I'm a guys girl tomboy. Well anyway for example, I was trying to conversate with models new to the business, one girl didn't want to talk to me, the other girl gave me a nasty look for tapping her very lightly because I made the mistake of thinking I was inaudible due to the music and not her obviously I don't want to talk to you, and the ones who didn't like me were getting to know each other then trash talking each other the next. Living the surreal life. But anyways in front of the guy who invited its "omg see you Friday" yeah ok you two faced cow.

When I say cow, its never a weight thing. Its a mind thing.

I nailed a job for a big fashion show in october. It feels good. There's an agency interested in me & I now officially have a client....that makes me a working model. I'm friggin out. Ahhhhh the excitement.

Well that's my mobile update, I gotta go to work. Muah

Cadma

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testing

i just added a new app to my phone for this so just testing it.

;-)

by the way that's bandit inside my purse ^_^

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random poem

l'amour est pour les imbéciles.
l'amour n'est pas réel.
l'amour est pour les
gens qui peuvent se sentir.
l'amour est une tragédie.
l'amour est un tease.
l'amour est que vous,
mais pas fait pour moi.
nous n'existons pas.
Nous n'existons que dans la tête.
Ma seule preuve que
l'amour n'est pas la mienne.

HartStop Design

A few weeks ago I worked with HartStop design. I had a huge blast working with this talented photographer. Today I saw him again to order my CD of images for my portfolio and I completely forgot how tall he was, because I refuse to admit I'm short...I'm average height. He created this wicked slideshow and kickass music to it for 2 minutes. I was so nervous because I had no idea how my photos came out and I was so happy. During the shoot he made sure he respected me as a person as well as a model and I think that is an amazing thing. It's so hard not to come by a pervert with a camera or someone whose so supercilious that it seems their head can go further up their ....so anyways I had an amazing time working with Hart.

I got to try some ideas and he taught me so much as a model that I will take with me for the rest of my modeling career. I also sat down with him today and he gave me some great advice I am going to take.

Recently I have been getting lucky as well as better that I am running into photographers worth working with like Tim, Dennis, Hart and Louis.

Dream on right...

daring

Oh man I did some implied today and the shoot was really fun, minus the construction workers across the city roof tops trying to see something they couldn't **rolls eyes**

so anyway today I worked with Tim and personally I had a blast and then he threw me a compliment that went over my head. He said to continue perfecting my form however I would be a prototype.


pro·to·type
   /ˈproʊtəˌtaɪp/ Show Spelled [proh-tuh-tahyp] Show IPA noun, verb-typed, -typ·ing.
–noun
1.
the original or model on which something is based or formed.
2
someone or something that serves to illustrate the typical qualities of a class; model; exemplar: She is the prototype of a student activist.
3.
something analogous to another thing of a later period: a Renaissance prototype of our modern public housing.
4.
Biology. an archetype; a primitive form regarded as the basis of a group.

I had to look it up again to let it process all over again because I still didnt understand what he was implying but then I realized he was very satisfied with our photos. So much he wants me back again tomorrow to meet a client for their catalogue work......oh today feels good.

also might I add I'm in love oh no not just my honey bunny, but this make up that will settle anything for my modeling career.

http://sephora.com/browse/brand_hierarchy1.jhtml?brandId=TEMPTU

and urban decay has some sexy eye stuff, i wanna go play tehe =D

my make up came out beautiful!

also i want to make a side note to hope that my MUA was not seriously harm for the car accident they encountered earlier and hope all is well! **huggles**

but i will post the pictures soon because its all about my legs muahz

Whew where have I been?

well lets start this off, the Cornstarch Gizmo I ws invited for the screening this month and I am so psyched not that I have a lot of lines besides seducing opposite sex but hey you see me right? I have been recently focusing head on with my career. I have plenty of new photos and am having a ball.

I recently signed up with a non-exclusive agency for now but honey I want lights. I want to do what I want to do. But baby steps before you can run right, wasn't it Shakespeare who said "wisely and slow they stumble that run fast" favorite quote from him by the way.

I feel like a lot has been lifted when it comes to the course of things I am aiming for. Things feel lighter. I feel a little bit more alive everyday. I have made a healthy progress of handling my past a lot better, of course he won't be thrilled to know I published my poetry about him but writing has always been my first outlet so he can't be all that surprised.

I have a graduation coming up in April and I need a dress. I need something thats me written in as bold as I am. I'm audacious and I'm honest the sort of honesty that gets that complaint that I take as a compliment "Your so honest". =) so I want to say me. Say who I am. As a model, actress, dancer, writer, singer, linguistics lover gastronome =D all those things that say C.A.D.M.A. hmph I need a shop outside of this planet or at least where others like me go.

I have noticed some changes within myself, and it seems my original nature as a child has returned very slowly. If your not close to me, I become competitive. When I say competitive that means people who aggravate me or simply enjoy demeaning others to get on top, I annihilate them. I make it a goal. And for the things I desire anyone in my way is a problem. I was a friendly child growing up but anyone getting in my way to stir up chaos for me was going to rundown by my boots. This was with grades, tests, performance it's how I always was. If you played nice I'd work with you and since most people can't handle the honesty I have even when I was little, I took out many for the sake of them being in my way. I'm not a vicious witch I'm workable but I have had so many obstacles in my way and sooooo oh man sooooooooo dam many people working against me, pretending to be supportive and underneath it all not really caring and those are the people I remove from my life or if they get in my way removed by force.

hopefully this competitive nature of mine, will do me some good

So its been forever

Ok I got to be apart of a cool film, with credits called Cornstarch Gizmo. Fortunate for me they finished the movie then was told to add scenes, and moi was there for it. So they want me back again and Astro is a real lively character you enjoy his presence you know what I mean? But I am going back to filming and have an additional role to cover for credit that means up on my imdb.com there will be another name under my belt. It feels good.

I also have a new photo shoot coming up because I work too much and my career has to start picking up, I can't wait forever adjusting my career for my job, its the other way around.

Now I auditioned for an HBO show 2 years ago for the "Wire", unfortunately I did not get it but I made an impression enough that he remembered me for 2 modeling expos coming up and 2 feature films they want to slip me in. 2 years ago I was a different person, I wasn't who I naturally, which is who I am becoming again lol as time passes. I'll always remain to be reticent but underneath it all an empathetic smartass who likes to feel alive. I love adventures whether the journey is roaming New York City's shadows or if its mastering something, its a journey...everything you do.

Now I'm also going to be attending school again this summer, yeah I know work, school then Model but I can multitask very fine thank you very much =D but back to school once again and what I am going to graduate with as in a Major I have no friggin wiggin clue. But I do know linguistics will always have a soft spot for me, so that will be a minor.

I've spent all month coming up with corny ways to express my love for my new boyfriend for Feb, and its weird because I hate v-day. No its not some cheap analytical story behind it to my psyche. I've just never cared for it. You love me then you show it. don't do it as some national obligation, oh please blow me come on. If you see something that you want to do for me, with me it doesnt matter just don't blow a lot of cash. I explain that to all of my boyfriends, because quite frankly prior to my current boyfriend, my most fun date was when I was babysitting someone's kid and we all went to McDonalds and played in the ball pit. So much dam fun. And yeah thats it, and that was the last bit of real fun we ever had as a couple....ahhhhh so anyways I'm not into it. But here comes ......Aganju is what I'll call him....so he shows up helps me publish my first 2 books and now working on the 3rd. Studying a foreign language (Japanese) so he can study with me (this is a biggie for me because I've done it before and there were ahem not so good aftermath for no reason). He smiles when he see's me, when I say smile he stares...he practically stalks me lol well we're dating now so I guess no more climbing up to my window JUST KIDDING!!!

but anyways, I've grown up in an interesting house hold so love isn't a cup of tea I see often drank of purity. So I got this great guy, and its the first happiest and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Sure we've had spazzs but no real fighting, what I consider fighting is the stuff I've encountered before and the dumb things my ex's had did where you can tell thinking about it before wasn't a specialty. However I get bitchy, I get really moody, cranky anything you name it....when I go too long without seeing him. I don't know why, because after a few months I can love you, I'll still love you just the same abut there will be that day where in my head...I love you but get away from me. Going out with my best friend before ummmmm lets call her Oya, and being with her is wonderful she's a ton of fun around, but I'd forget all about my boyfriend until it was time to go back to them oh ok, back to the guy I love but we'll never work out our problems or what fight will we have tonight?

And its small, its simple but it has a theme all just for him. I hope he likes it especially on the 14th, I'm going all out considering I am out of practice. You'd think I wouldn't be, but when you go out of your way for someone and they complain how cheap everything is because they wanted expensive materials you stop doing things.

well let's see, that it so far. just have to finish my 3rd book and, wish me luck for this whole projects coming up left and right.

I must be the best whore out there, gotta make mama proud lol

Cadma

Vik

My Vik is who I have to thank about this.
I often misplace things on the web lol, and I googled my name so I can find the site I signed up for. And I found my book all over the place, it's a pleasant feeling to have.

I never cared much for publishing, but this is working in favor.

Good to see my work out there

hip hopping toddler

omg isnt he just the cutest dancing awwwwww

=D

So before my year ended I got to fully play out a part as a prostitute. -_- lol, mother would be so proud. It was interesting having to be half naked (lingerie is my limit) and be "intimate" with another person. I simply thought of my boyfriend but it just felt weird. As I continue, seriously I can't wait to pay for body doubles. I'm a bit picky on who gets to touch me, if I don't want to be touched I usually slide out of the way. But this is part of the job right? Well anyways, it was an interesting experience and adds a lot more to my plate.

My modeling is more focused and is falling more into place. After you let go of the excess baggage and feel free to dream, suddenly your back to who you are again.

I had a tough year of 2009. I know for those in my "personal" life there are many assumptions but very few, select few know the truth. It's amazing to be a house full of people and no one knows a thing but the friend who was just a visitor but paid close attention. Well I have left a big chunk of history behind myself, for the sake of a better me. A healthier me. I have improved much on my music and have quite the surprise for my boyfriend that I hope he likes. He likes, in fact he appreciates a lot. This one falls deeply with me.

Well its 2010, and things are falling right where they need to. Just a little bit of time and more will glow and more will flow for this little butterfly