"The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation...For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressors wrong, The proud man's contumely, The pangs of despised love, ...To grunt and sweat under a weary life. But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of?".
We all suffer, and from our suffering we are suppose to grow. For those who do not grow, simply await in vanity & agony for Mother's like Hecate to call their names. I grow. I need to grow, my vines are as long as my roots. However I can admit my growth can be delayed by cheap satisfaction through Cupid. He points his arrow too freely with me. In search of a King, I've been made promises that have only been whispered sweet nothings. I have been left in a torpid mental state, forgetting my ambitious goals and loosing myself in the process. I despise that saturnine face of mine, for when she shows her face that only indicates the journey to melancholia has begun.
Dedication...maybe too devoted i am. I have been ridiculed, chagrined by those who claim it was in the name of love. LIES! Disrespect through advertisement of what was never intimate to them but only sacred to me. Disrespect through exposing parts of me that only you should see in public. Actions, puerile actions that any smart normal girl would not tolerate and in a cheap course of 3 months you would have been done for! Criticizing every movement, and stinging callow words to intentionally be spiteful to someone who opened their heart to you...so foolishly. The trust is broken down easily by your lies. The flesh commands I found myself obeying, through lowering myself value for you. I gave my soul while you wished I was dead to you. In lack of your spirituality, God answered your prayers and Kali set me free.
No more lying, no more ignoring the existence you carefully intentionally planned to be rid of.
No more cheap gossip, behind walls you though I could not hear.
No more exaggerated stories that only exacerbated things even further.
No more good month bad month, good month, worse month, good month, worst month.
No more games.
No more tears, no more backbending
No more vanity of love, for you never loved me
So I leave you to find what was promised to me
And don't say "I love you" and don't say "I'm sorry"
Words of these phrases are things you could never understand what they mean.
All faults do not remain your own for I did not have to retaliate to your consistent anger, to your blades. I have flaws of my own.
I am patient but I grew weary and so painfully tired. A four year battle when all I wanted as a little love.
No more empty words, no nefarious promises, no more from you
No more tap taps as I lay, as I wake.
I bid you farewell and happiness.
______________________________________________________________________-
My playlist for the evening:
"Y todo para que"
que mas quieres de mi
si ya todo te di
te di mi cariño,
te di mi confianza,
te di mi calor.
que mas quieres de mi
mi vida te la di
por tan solo un minuto
por tan solo un poquito de tu gran pasion
(coro;)
y toda para que
y todo para que
para que enamoraste
para que ilusionaste mi corazon
y todo para que
y todo para que
pero no me arrepiento
si en cada momento me hiciste feliz
y todo para que
y todo para que
y todo para que
y todo para que
que mas quieres de mi
a donde quieres llegar
que no te haz dado cuenta
que por ya no mirarme me puedes matar
que mas quieres de mi
dime lo por favor
ya no encuentro palabras
ya no encuentro la forma de darte mi amor
(coro;)
y todo para que
y todo para que
para que enamoraste
para que ilusionaste mi corazon
y todo para que
y todo para que
pero no me arrepiento
si en cada momento me hiciste feliz
y todo para que
y todo para que
y todo para que
____________________________________
"Fool"
Tell me lies, slap me on the face, just...
Improvise, do something really clever,
That'll make me hate your name forever
You might swear, you'd never touch a lady
Well, let me say, you're not too far from maybe
Every day you find new ways to hurt me
But I can't help it if I'm just a fool
Always having my heart set on you
Till the time you start changing the rules
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes
Ahh, fool
God resigned, from hearing my old story
Every night, I'm paying hell for glory
I'm embarrassed but I'm much more sorry
All this pain, begins to feel like pleasure
With my tears, you'd make a sea a desert
Salt my wounds and I'll keep saying thank you
But I can't help it if I'm just a fool
Always having my heart set on you
Till the time you start changing the rules
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes
Ahh, fool
_____________________________________
"Poem to a horse"
You're to far to bring you close
And too high to see below
just hangin' on your daily dose
I know you never needed anyone
But the rolling papers for your grass
How can you give what you don't have?
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
You start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way
[Chorus:]
I'll leave again
Cuz I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
I'd rather eat my soup with a fork
Or drive a cab in New York
Cuz to talk to you is harder work
So what's the point of wasting all my words
If it's just the same or even worse
Than reading poems to a horse
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
I bet you'll find someone like you
Cuz there's a foot for every shoe
I wish you luck but I've got other things to do
I'll leave again 'cause I've
Been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
_______________________________________________
"Bye bye boyfriend"
I've been lying,
to keep you from this pain
Now your crying,
and to know that I'm to blame
And I'll miss you
But its over now
I'm so sorry,
that it had to be this way
Please don't hate me,
but there's nothing you can say
To change my mind
I've got to go away
The guy that I fell for
He wanted more and more
Bye Bye Boyfriend
It's time that I'd be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up,
lay down and work
It was fun but it couldn't last forever
Bye Bye pretty boy,
It's time to, It's time to pack it up
Baby 'cause its over now
Let me tell you how it was when we started off
The tattoos and the lip pierce and raggedy style you used to rock
Lately everything you do and say is messed up
Things have changed, down is up we're outta luck
And Baby I'm sorry
That it had to be this way
Please don't hate me, but there's nothing you can say
To Change my mind
The guy that I fell for
He wanted more and more
Bye Bye Boyfriend
It's time that I'd be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up,
lay down and work
It was fun but it couldn't last forever
Bye Bye pretty boy,
It's time to, It's time to pack it up
Baby 'cause its over now
You never put the effort in to the things that really counted
A word here, and a kiss there
Could change the way its turning out
You work so hard at all the things I never cared about
How hands work & fingers moving, Eyes wide Shut
And baby I'm lonely
Though your right in front of me
You controlled me
That was the girl I used to be
Gave up myself
Well its over now
The guy that I fell for
He wanted more and more
Bye Bye Boyfriend
It's time that I'd be on my way
Bye Bye Boyfriend
I used to like the way you said
Baby back it up,
lay down and work
It was fun but it couldn't last forever
Bye Bye pretty boy,
It's time to, It's time to pack it up
Baby 'cause its over now
I'm backing up,
Baby cause it's over now
Pretty pretty pretty pretty boyfriend,
C'mon
c'mon
c'mon
c'mon
Baby back it up
lay down and work
It was fun but it couldn't last forever
bye bye pretty boy
It's time to, It's time to pack it up
Baby 'cause it's over now
______________________________________________________________
"Numb"
No sleep, no sex for you from your ex-girlfriend
I was too deep, I can't let you go and just jump
in
At times I would push my feelings aside to let
you feel
I'm novicane I'm numb and nothing's real
Like the coldest winter, I am frozen from you
I was weak before now you made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby
I'm numb, numb, numb
But the tears were silent inside you see
But the tears were silent inside you see
I laid there quiet, watched you have your way
with me
I might have cried, the tears were silent inside
you see
You called me names, made me feel like I was dumb
I didn't feel a thing and now I'm gone, gone,
gone
Like a battered child I got used to your pain
But you know its cuz
I was weak before now you made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby
I'm numb, numb, numb
I was weak before now you made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby
I'm numb, numb, numb
Don't feel a thing, don't feel the pain
Numb, numb, numb
Said
I was weak before now you made me so numb
I can't feel much for you anymore
I gave you my all, my baby
I'm numb, numb, numb
I was weak for
Said now I'm numb, numb, numb
No, no, no, no
__________________________________________________________
One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy
Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
too young to know i had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way
Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottom of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
'cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy
____________________________________________________________________
I've let go of you, please have the same courtesy.
I am working on my own happiness and I step out ready and shielded but know not to open myself up ever again to anyone like you again
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